Seizures and Pain Disorders; His Sovereign Plan: Jason Hopkins' Story part 6

Imagine enduring the trials of multiple brain surgeries, traumatic brain injuries, and chronic conditions like Central Pain Syndrome. How do you find genuine hope amidst such chaos? Join me, Jason Hopkins, on the Hopeful Perspective Podcast, where I reveal the powerful journey from mere survival to thriving with authentic resilience. In this episode, "Overcoming Trials and Finding Hope," I share the intimate details of my recovery process, highlighting the miracles that defied medical expectations, including the remarkable disappearance of my Dissociative Identity Disorder following my son’s heartfelt prayer. This testimony is a testament to the power of faith and the human spirit.
Further,  we explore a life-altering divine visitation that took place during a late-night seizure. This profound experience reignited my sense of purpose, illustrating God’s enduring presence through my darkest times. With scriptural insights from John 10:10, Isaiah 43:2, and Romans 8:18, I lay bare the spiritual foundations that have anchored my hope and perseverance. Tune in to discover how these redemptive chapters continue to unfold, inspiring not just my journey, but offering a beacon of hope for others grappling with life's severe trials.

*The intro and outro music is entitled "Lite Saturation" composed by 'Epic,' utilized from the source Free Music Archive (FMA) and licensed for commercial and person use (CC BY-ND

Chapters

• 0:02 Overcoming Trials and Finding Hope
• 15:38 Encountering God's Hope and Restoration

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to the Hopeful Perspective Podcast. I am your host, jason Hopkins. Today we finally reach the conclusion of my story, of my personal testimony. Not that the story is necessarily concluding, see. There are new and redemptive chapters contributing to the narrative of my life on the daily basis, and today I share how I overcame the trials and trauma of my past, the trials of today, and who it is that gives me authentic hope. Real hope, not a generic anticipation or wishful thinking. True hope for the future, both in this life as well as the hope of heaven that awaits his beloved. How was I transformed from a survivor to thriver and changed from a victim to a victor? I am so stoked to answer these questions and get to the heart of the matter today, so I encourage you to grab your favorite snack, hot or cold beverage, get comfortable and come on this journey with me as I bring our story to the present day.

Speaker 1: 1:07

I concluded, or rather put a comma, last episode, having described a little bit of what current everyday life, full of challenges, that I endure. Also, I put us on the ledge regarding the answered prayer of my nine-year-old son, but we will get to that later. Prayer of my nine-year-old son, but we will get to that later. We can thank my bride who made the suggestion that I need to go into a little more detail regarding my healing process following two brain surgeries. You have heard that in the first year of healing my mental and cognitive capacity diminished greatly due to traumatic brain injury or TBI. I live today having lost most of my hearing in my right ear due to the meningitis I contracted following surgery. Perhaps the clear personality change that was difficult for my family and I to become familiar with, combined with the other cognitive deficiencies, would be enough for a story. But the real thorn in my flesh quite literally. Enough for a story. But the real thorn in my flesh quite literally occurred with the surgery being on my brainstem.

Speaker 1: 2:08

You see, I ended up, following the surgeries, having a pain condition on the right side of my body, head to toe. Any contact with my right side experiences a wide array of changes in sensitivity. The condition varies from feeling like a bad sunburn at one end of the spectrum, which I can deal with that, to feeling like someone is digging into my flesh down to the bone. I've been hospitalized a few times due to the level of pain. Tests were run, different therapies and medications prescribed, yet no one had an answer for three years. Then a neurologist in the network talked to me and read off the clinical criteria for a diagnosis that described my condition to a T Central Pain Syndrome, or CPS as the Cleveland Clinic describes it. It is a chronical neurological condition that affects how you feel pain. It happens because of damage to your brain or spinal cord. It also can happen when chronic pain alters how your nervous system handles pain signals. This condition often has severe effects and is often difficult to treat. Despite these facts, I was actually overjoyed that a diagnosis had been reached, and I am eternally grateful to the neurologist for his contribution to my therapy plan. After numerous attempts to reach a conclusion, we finally found the answer, even if that conclusion was that I would have this proverbial thorn in my flesh for the rest of my days.

Speaker 1: 3:39

In addition to CPS, I began to experience seizures atonic seizures. I began to experience seizures atonic seizures and myeloconic seizures. Yes, seizures are disturbing, but do not let the big names intimidate you. I would say they are on the more chill side of the spectrum when it comes to things that I can handle. I was dealing with an array of three different kinds of seizures, in all Absent seizures, which are staring spells that can start suddenly and can be mistaken for daydreaming. Atonic seizures, which have drop attacks. I ended up in the hospital one day because my legs absolutely gave out on me because of the sudden loss of muscle strength and tone. And then there's myoclonic seizures, causing short, quick movements of the arms, head and neck.

Speaker 1: 4:25

Yet as difficult as the physical conditions I now deal with, even the thorns in my flesh and brain felt tolerable compared to the emotional, mental and spiritual challenges that I faced During my healing period. I had profound difficulty regulating strong emotions. My family and I walked, and are currently walking, through some difficult scenarios due to the differences that I now present. I even had difficulty as a fan of my kids' basketball games. In the role of spectator, I walked through different scenarios that ordinarily PBS or what I call pre-brain surgery. I would be able to discern and remain present. I was once able to navigate social situations with ease, and now this once-upon-a-time extrovert was essentially transforming into an introvert.

Speaker 1: 5:18

Here is the thing I remember everything pre-surgery who I was, my passions, my long-term memories, my personalities, my gifts and my dreams. Now I feel trapped and along for a ride, while in a body that is now forever changed. Whereas I remember my life from the long-term, my short-term memory has been severely affected. Long-term, my short-term memory has been severely affected. Now we've discussed how my personality changed post-surgery, yet there was now something else that was missing. You see, I was having to experience these emotions and strength and impact in ways never before in my surgery and what had become commonplace in my life since surgery was confirmed in my one-year neurological review. And this was the answer to my nine-year-old son's prayer prior to the surgery, a sweet and genuine request he wrote down, quote I pray that you, god, take my dad's DID away. I pray that you, god, take my dad's DID away. And, friends, my neuropsychologist was amazed as much as we were to see that the very thing my son prayed for was answered by the Lord.

Speaker 1: 6:36

Dissociative identity disorder has no cure. Rather, as I expressed before, you have to learn tools and submit to intensive therapy to work through the level of trauma that formed your system. So this truly was a miracle. At the end of the day, now, not having DID led to a new and foreign concept. As I expressed before, I now had strong and profound feelings in a truly overwhelming manner in which I'd never experienced before. Though the origins of DID had been evil, I had relied upon its protective mechanism for 38 years and now I literally had to navigate feeling levels of anxiety, pain and panic attacks, with only me, the Christian host. This was particularly difficult due to the fact that, as that first few years of healing and accepting this new normal, most of all my close friends appeared to withdraw. Now, please key into this part. I know there are friends, and perhaps some of the ones that withdrew listening and even subscribing to this podcast. I am in no way assigning blame to you by having this observation, nor do I see myself as a victim whatsoever. Instead, I have found that I was learning a lesson that Jesus taught his disciples in the first century. Progress is impossible when we live in the land of presumptions or assumptions that go unresolved.

Speaker 1: 8:06

The enemy loves to steal, kill and destroy. When we read John 10.10, referring to the enemy of our souls, we first read that Jesus is the good shepherd and he is the gate for the sheep. He uses a figure of speech and essentially a parable with his disciples, though they didn't understand the underlying truth. The enemy a thief in this picture maybe, perhaps a false prophet, false teacher, or even false Messiah, which today could also be a false pastor. Well, the enemy will attempt to distract the sheep and convince them to follow his deceitful plan. Jesus says in John 10, all who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the gate. Whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.

Speaker 1: 9:09

We need to remember that the devil will not be dressed in absurd and obvious red pajamas, horns or anything else that reveals his identity. When he's trying to deceive you, the thief and the liar will subtly use partial truths and appealing arguments that cater to your wants, justifications, and he will even plant doubts in your mind about the way you are choosing. That is, your walk as a Christian believer. Remember this the way was a reference that the early Jewish Christians referred to with their walk to Christ. Some scholars believe that the name the way came as a reference to Isaiah 40, verse 3, where we read A voice of one calling in the wilderness prepare the way for the Lord, make straight in the desert, a highway for our God. Scholar Derek Rishmaway has another take on how. The way refers to returning to God. This name for the Christian movement, the way, thus designates that the Christians were the true end-time Israel beginning to fulfill the prophecies of Israel's returning from exile. They were on the way out of exile to returning to God. The name, the Way, indicates that one could begin to participate in this restoration journey by believing in Christ and joining others who already believed and were walking on the way, progressing in their new Exodus journey. Consequently, the way described both those first joining it and those who had belonged to it for some time, so that the name included reference to a manner of ongoing Christian living as part of a restoration journey. Does this sound familiar? As part of a restoration journey, does this sound familiar? Now we take a look at a little theological detour here to interact with the deception of the enemy to our souls.

Speaker 1: 11:02

And now I have an admission to make. Only a few years ago, I developed perhaps the worst depression of my life. I literally couldn't and wouldn't get out of bed, and I also had a lot of pent-up anger, overlaying feelings of abandonment, isolation, rejection and even judgment. Many of these feelings I initially thought were directed at the people in my life who I saw as withdrawing from me, whereas I had always demonstrated attributes of compassion and love, had always demonstrated attributes of compassion and love, encouragement for others in their times of need. Now can you see how the lie that quote people have left me unquote further led me to fill in the blanks and assumptions.

Speaker 1: 11:46

Friends, it is a thin line. I was walking as a one-time discerning, communicative, theologically confident and social follower of the way, and now I felt like my discernment turned into judgment. My communication was difficult, given my limited capacity and delayed speech, and my theological confidence so low I was considering giving up the way. I was considering turning my back on Jesus. You see, all the while this dangerous concoction within my depression was brewing, I was checking out atheist debates, questions and answers on YouTube and I was discouraged the further down the rabbit hole I went. Friends, I hope you see how easy it is to be deceived, particularly when you are most vulnerable.

Speaker 1: 12:36

Further, I want to demonstrate another battle that I was waging. You see, I had staked my life on faith. My occupation, my calling, my purpose were all devoted to sharing my story for God's glory. Given the fact that I had a tumultuous childhood as well as a rare personality disorder. As an adult, I had to remain integrous to the reality that, though I had an incredible testimony of restoration and redemption through Jesus Christ, that I needed to avoid the portrayal that I now possess the recipe for some special plan to work through future trials.

Speaker 1: 13:11

Following my diagnosis, surgeries and subsequent health issues, I was battling internal lies that other people expected me to be an overcomer once again. After all, look at all the redemption of my past. I am a pastor, a biblical counselor, and have all the eyes of my church, family and surrounding community. If you recall, in the previous episodes, I was involved in a youth basketball program with my kiddos. For a long time I felt pressure to live out Hopkins Strong. In reality, my faith was wavering as I was now feeding my doubts by ingesting anti-Christian content. I struggled immensely, connecting and communicating with my family.

Speaker 1: 13:53

The dynamic of my marriage changed as both of us were having to adapt to the new normal post-surgery. Physically, I was experiencing numerous flare-ups with my central pain syndrome as I was triggered by the emotional and mental state I was now living. I was residing in my own double bind and on all this time without the protective personalities that I could push all my feelings and responsibilities on. Living in isolation, deep depression, absent of a clear purpose and little, if any, communion with God. I began relapsing as I gave into temptations and behavioral patterns I long ago had abandoned and overcome, and behavioral patterns I long ago had abandoned and overcome. I found myself in the dark night of my soul, and this is where I was tempted to not only walk out of my marriage but was contemplating once again taking my own life. You see, I have experienced living without food and water and entertainment money, but I genuinely believe we suffer a different kind of death, not always physically, though we know there are many who are confronted with this double bind live without hope or not live at all. I believe people finally give in to such a drastic measure once they suffer this spiritual, psychological, mental and emotional death, once hope is gone. Overwhelmed by my experiences and clouded by emotions, I was now questioning myself whether I even believed in Jesus anymore. And that's when, only a couple years ago I can attest, another miracle occurred. So yeah, I am that 44-year-old man who still loves to play video games.

Speaker 1: 15:38

It was during one of my late-night video game sessions that I received a most unique visit from the Lord. To this point in my journey, I can't say that I had ever had visions or auditory experiences within my faith. That is what made this experience most extraordinary. I was actually in the middle of another seizure when I saw what can only be described as a bright light that I had to look away from In the course of the next few minutes, I experienced the most tangible presence of the Lord I had ever felt. Initially, I questioned whether I was merely hallucinating, yet, as though my thoughts were being read, I remember an audible voice asking me who do you think I am? I remember the feeling of conviction coming over me, followed by this intense warmth. It was as though my very doubts and questions, and even my fears, were being addressed in that very moment.

Speaker 1: 16:39

There are parts of that night and of that experience that were intended to be just for me and not a book or a podcast. Yet what I do feel free to express is that this experience was the catalyst that drew me from the deep and dark night of my soul. You see, one of the most profound aspects was God showing me how he had been present at every point I experienced failure and pain. When I felt abandoned. He was there. When I was hopeless, he gave me strength. We were now full circle on my feelings of friends and family who had grown distant. I was needing to find my reliance and hope on the Creator and not His creation, and this was the only way.

Speaker 1: 17:25

And do you want to know what else came from that night? I was to be a messenger for others who need to experience the hope that I have. This was the beginning of the vision for the hopeful perspective that those with ears let them hear and eyes let them see who truly is the hope of the world. He says the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. He says the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. And then he says I have come, that they may have life and have it to the full.

Speaker 1: 18:01

My life experiences testify to John 10.10. They also testify to Isaiah 43.2. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. And to Romans 8.18. The pain that you have been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming. And to Romans 8.18,. To Psalm 34.18,. The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Friends, loved ones and faithful listeners, I would say that this vision that happened that fateful night, in the middle of a seizure, no less, where I became confident not only in what I believed to be true about the heart of the Father, but what His purpose and His call in my life was to become that. This all marks the conclusion of my story up to the present time.

Speaker 1: 18:48

This most recent experience served to shape and form a podcast where you, my listeners, could experience the hopeful perspective. You see, I had to look back and see how God had indeed been present all throughout my life. He was the source of the restoration and the strength that enabled me to carry on. 1 Peter 5.10 declares and the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. My trials and tribulations are what helped me to see his hand on my life. Romans 5, one of my favorite verses, speaks to this restoration that leads up to hope.

Speaker 1: 19:40

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access, by faith, into this grace in which we now stand and we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character and character. Hope, perseverance, perseverance, character and character. Hope and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Do you see it? We were granted access by his grace through our faith, as well as we were granted perspective. We don't just boast in the glory of God, we boast in a hope that is founded through the rigorous demands that suffering has placed on us, that when we persevere, we are granted life-changing character. As we make it through, we do not suffer for suffering's sake.

Speaker 1: 20:46

1 Peter 4 even says Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude. And what attitude of perspective are we armed with? We see, his suffering was not in vain, but rather as the sacrifice that was needed in order for you and I to be granted access by grace, into the faith. We now stand Again. I did not suffer for suffering's sake or for the enemy's gain. While I lose. No, you see, as I go through the suffering and then am brought through his restoration, I get to live out Philippians 3.10, where I am brought into a deeper knowledge of Christ, his resurrection power that saved me from death, whereas the enemy of our souls wants everything from us in return for nothing. Christ gave up everything in return for forever with us. Jesus looked at them and said with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

Speaker 1: 21:53

Friends, we live in a time when we are presented with more options and possibilities to pursue as it pertains to spirituality and psychology than any time before. We also live in a postmodern time where truth has become arbitrary. These factors can lead to confusion and discouragement when a person is seeking restoration and healing concerning their own personal journey. I have not established the Hopeful Perspective podcast to present an additional option that one can pursue in Jesus Christ as it pertains to suffering and hope. Make no mistake about it. I am proposing that Jesus Christ is the only answer to understand suffering and hope. This conclusion is drawn from my own journey of seeking respite and coping with the pain of my trauma, my past trials and even my present tribulations. When the enemy presented relief through the various temptations to anesthetize my pain, I was instead sabotaging what the Lord intended for my growth and healing.

Speaker 1: 22:57

1 Corinthians 13 may be one of the most recognized passages of scripture in the Bible. To people inside and outside the church alike, the Apostle Paul is addressing the heart behind our gifts and attributes and that, regardless of how gifted we are, if we are not imitating Jesus Christ, submitting to him, worshiping him and serving others, then we have not love. Rather, we have missed the whole point. While in this limited time that is our lifetime, the spiritual gifts and the submitted service to one another together, done in love, paint a powerful picture that displays his hope to a broken and hurting world. Jesus constructed his church in such a way that the different office gifts found in Ephesians 4, apostle, prophet, evangelist, pastor and teacher as well as the spiritual gifts that believers in Jesus are given by the power of the Holy Spirit. Paul lists the following spiritual gifts words of wisdom, word of knowledge, faith, gifts of healing, working of miracles, prophesying, distinguishing spirits, various kinds of tongues and then interpretation of tongues. Both the office gifts as well as the spiritual gifts are given for the common good of the whole body. Every person in Jesus is essential for the whole church body to function as it was designed, and the message of 1 Corinthians 13 is that, while the gifts represent the body, that the circulatory system of the church body, or the blood flow, if you will, is faith, hope and love, whereas the need for office gifts and spiritual gifts will be no more once we reach eternity. Paul assures us that faith, hope and love will be forever, and then it says Yet the greatest of these is love.

Speaker 1: 24:55

I find it appropriate to share with you a special word of wisdom I was given during my time in Baldwin, michigan, while I was undergoing intensive therapy for DID. The woman who received this word was a counselor who worked with survivors of satanic ritual abuse and afflicted with dissociative identity disorder. At the time I was given this word, I struggled not only with the above afflictions, but also if I could possibly be forgiven for the trespasses I committed. While in the struggle, I read this as a love letter from the father's heart to his son. It's a boy. How he was present the day of your birth. How he delighted as he cradled you in his strong and loving arms and cried as he saw the cost of your redemption. He smoothed your baby silk-like hair and tenderly touched your face and said yes, father, I will. I will die for this one, that he can receive my spirit and be whole and one in me. It's a boy and he's mine, and I see the enemy wants him because he's so precious to me, I will not let his devices prevail. I will fight and die for my Jason that he might live and win. I have you, jason. I have you. I have you. Strength, honor and glory are mine to give and I give them to you. This is your day. You shall overcome the works of the enemy in your life and countless others with you as you put your hand in mine and take the next step.

Speaker 1: 26:40

Friends, I could keep going with the books, passages and verses of God's love letters to us that declare his glory and define our purpose. Yet we have a whole podcast life to further look into the truth as to why possessing a hopeful perspective is crucial to a believer's faith and therefore their life. I have spent the last six episodes sharing from my heart my life, my struggles and my redemption, how a hopeful perspective has saved my life, my struggles and my redemption. How a hopeful perspective has saved my life physically and spiritually. Going forward, I'm excited to share biblical truths, stories, interviews, faith-building tools and whatever else the Lord brings to light, to share with you, for the edification of your faith and the expression of his hope. This has been a difficult couple of months since I started sharing my life with all of you, yet I count it as joy to share my story for Christ's glory.

Speaker 1: 27:38

Finally, I want to conclude by giving an opportunity for those listeners who are not yet saying yes to Jesus, as well as I want to give an opportunity to those who have felt distant and are compelled to draw closer to him. Friends, the gospel is good news and, after listening to six episodes of hardship, my prayer is that you see the hope I have and that it is only because I have had to humble myself in the sight of the Lord, repent for my sin that separates me from God and receive his gift of salvation. As you have heard, having faith does not end our hardships. Rather, having faith helps us through them.

Speaker 1: 28:19

So, if you have not said yes to Jesus, I want to encourage you to consider being in a quiet, non-distracting location and praying some version of this prayer from the heart, non-distracting location. And praying some version of this prayer from the heart Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins and I surrender my life Wash me clean. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, that he died on the cross for my sins and rose again on the third day for my victory. I believe that in my heart and make confessions with my mouth that Jesus is my Savior and Lord. Amen, and listen. If you've prayed that prayer and it has come from the heart, I congratulate and welcome you to the family of the beloved. I encourage you to find a faith community that is Bible-believing, has an orthodox doctrine and worships the Lord passionately. Also, devote yourself to reading the New Testament. These are his love letters and the whole foundations for how we are to walk in faith. For us.

Speaker 1: 29:23

So, hopeful family, this is where I leave you. Thank you for granting me access to your ears and your heart through this process, and I look forward to joining you in the next episode. Until then, I want to thank you for joining me along this journey and, if you would be so kind, to follow, subscribe and, most importantly, to rate and write a review for others who may need the hopeful perspective. And now you can even contribute monetarily with our support to show link that is embedded on your platform. All of the contributions are utilized to grow the podcast, to broaden my reach and to share the hope of Christ. A special thank you to those who have made this commitment to support the podcast financially already. My desire is to reach as many people with the message of hope that have lived lives as difficult and dark as I have, or anyone who needs to be reminded that hope is real. So thank you so much in advance and until next time, remember you are loved.